Mar. 13th, 2006
Aug. 21st, 2005
Apr. 26th, 2005
11:50 am - not a beautiful day
My pa recieved a beautiul letter today from my head of 6th form, you'll have to check puddingpie if you want to see a copy of the embarassment.
my dad allready hates me at the moment, he thiks im twisted, and have the wrong priorities, and basically told me to move out. if i didn't have minus 200 squid in my bank i was all set to ahve an adventure and go to edinburgh, but unfortunately i do have -200 squid and couldn't.
not long, i can here my house calling.
i keep having dreams of ex's, or people i 'stayed over' with. I don't know wether its singledom thats making me think about all the past if's and maybe's. There is one person i do regret not really talking to about what had gone on that night, but i knew nothing was to come of it, so i didn't want to push it. In my imagination though he is mr.perfect, and we have a house and sparkling careers he is all creative while i run my beautiful little cafe come venue. hmmmm, happiness.
i think thats why my mind has just gone fuck exams, i can do what i want to do with or without a degree.
who needs degree's?
i have been taking more pictures for my 'enviromental graff' its nice, i quite enjoy thinking up profound mumblings that a tree next to the skatepark may make.
however i did do a search to see if there was anything else to find, and randomly, and im quite upset about it i found this link http://www.black-dogs.org/Artist%20File
i don't know this guy, i know of him, and think ive said hello once, well he's doing a pretty damn similar thing.how can two people ahve such a similar idea, when they've never spoken?
ponders.....anyway break over, my essay is callng, its about the dissatisfaction in the media towards moore, the lack of knowledge in the genre of documentaries, and the assumption that a documetary, documents a truth, i get to argue alot, and call people silly. i enjoy it.
Apr. 12th, 2005
09:45 am - involved in an armed robbery?
Its probably about time i actually tried to keep this up-dated...either, nothing exciting has happened recently, or im to used to the excitement!
An adventure did happen, saying that. we had an armed robbery at work! some guy jumped the counter with a knife, to tina's throat, made me open the safe, took the whole shebang...except the cctv tape that is...some people seem silly.
this is the kinda thief i hate though, no plan, just brute force, there the guys who should be locked up for years, why couldn't it of been some clever scam, some carefully planned route of action, you know like when you hear about the scams people pull, manipulating there way into a company, sneeking in and out without a trace, man, those people are smart.
not that im condoning robbery....
Feb. 21st, 2005
10:54 am - one of those days
So right now im feeling miserable and very sorry for myself.
My problem...i ahve an over active imagination, this means i can literally see a person, then create a whole world and life around them.
Its like my brains is working like a film, i sort of depart from my body and create a story where i am, and said person are characters.
of course, i make these stories, and fantasise that i just believe it has to be true, how can someone believe something so much, and then in reality it mean...nothing.
bad sign when reality and fantasy cross-over right??
well thats just my problem, fantasy, just crashed and burned this weekend, and reality seems to be nothing ive dreamed of.
i do't like it.
Nov. 30th, 2004
Went to see Jarcrew at the marrs bar last night, muchos great. The night began and I got increasingly more upset with myself, bands which id seen in the past and loved were just boring me. Lack of new things? Perhaps not, one of my friends bands, who I really think rock, now have a girl and a sax in it, and such a small thing just changes the sound completely. It sounds almost, if theres such a thing to full, the sax gets rid of the edges it had and rounds them off nicely. Too nicely for my liking. Mountain men anonymous played, and again, perhaps the difference of atmosphere caused me to enjoy the set, rather than love it. The last time I saw them they played an acoustic set, in the summer over looking a giant pond. They literally decided to move the gig outside.
But my day was saved, small venue and upfiront made it seem really intimate as jarcrew belted the crowd wave after wave. My friend had worried me, saying last time he’d seen them he hadn’t enjoyed it. They were trying new things, and respect for them trying to push things forward, but he didn’t enjoy the new sound as much. My opinion? I loved it. The dynamics were amazing, and teamed with a charismatic frontman who just takes up the stage (though you might not think it at first to see it) and his swivel hips, I enjoyed them, and the new sound, and got excited again.
Nov. 24th, 2004
02:21 pm - proto-call
ucas finally bumbled off, not with a whole lot of heart in it. im getting fed-up of being one of those people who can do things, as in is capable of doing a lot of things well/ok. but not having one thing where i can be really great at.
Nov. 19th, 2004
08:39 pm - Patti Smith
I mean I cant be the saint people dream of now. People want a street angel. They want a saint but with a cowboy mouth. Somebody to get off on when they cant get off on themselves. I think that’s what mick jagger is trying to do…what bob Dylan seemed to be for a while. A sort of God in our image you know? Mick jagger got close but he got too conscious. For a while he gave me hope…I want it to be perfect, ‘cause it’s the only religion I got…in the old days people had jesus and those guys to embrace…they created a god with all their belief energies…and when they didn’t dig themselves, they could lose themselves in the lord. But its to hard now. We’re earthy peple. And the old saints just don’t make it, and god is just to far away. He don’t represent our pain no more. His words don’t shake through us no more. Any great motherfucker rock and roll song can raise me higher than all of revelations. We created rock and roll from our own image, its our child…
Nov. 10th, 2004
12:08 pm - bum
ive escaped, again. and im continuing to get angry with myself.
im so cross at myself, i can't believe it. im just sat wondering, re-reading emails, and things that ive said in the past. where has any of my ambition, certainty, work ethic gone?
i can't complete a full day at college, i get bored so go home and watch a film, or murder she wrote, or something equally as ridiculous. the goals i had, just, dont seem worth all that much anymore. im un-sure wether i actually want to carry them out?
it was so simple when i was younger, i wanted to be a writer. then it turned into i want to be a music writer. then it turned into hair brained scemes that involved visiting rollins, and meeting knoxville.
now its a simple as deciding wether to bother filling in a ucas form or not.
thing is i have a vagueness of wehre i want to be in a few years time, i want to be happy, i want to be interested, i want to have a close knit of people surrounding me. but as far as career or ambition, or study go...well its just that its gone.
there is nothing that grabs me at the moment. i see people i know and there finally getting there stuff together, the music they want to play,or the graphic design stuff they want to do, the collective they formed actually growing in numbers, or the photographs there taking actually making them some money.
the last time i actually sat down and wrote something was getting on for a year now, since i wrote anything real. my interest in what im studying has gone an its not enough to just have a constant thirst for information, on anything or anyone.
i have no interest.
i dis-like it.
it just doesn't feel like me.
Nov. 9th, 2004
07:48 pm - being ill, makes me ponder.
makes me ponder exactly what it is im planning to do. if only there could be some instant way to suddenly be, bang, where you wanted. without all the before.
when i was a bit younger i loved films, id watch them obsessively, ive allways had a hero or an idol, wether it was kim gordon or owning every splice of film drew barrymore was shot on.
sometimes theres some great big feeling that im watching myself, like im one of those characters, and i cant resist the urge to just do something, make some impact to make the plot just that bit more exciting.
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